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I miss her

Lonely

My wife died Tuesday March 12, 2013 at 9:30 pm

I miss her

He had a glioblastoma brain tumor.

Which is as bad as it sounds.

She was diagnosed on January 11, 2013.

It didn’t take long.

She was a nurse.

There was no way to fool her.

She knew the score.

What shall we do Maria?

“I don’t want to die.”

“Honey, you’re not going to die,

Let’s do the Chemo.. the Radiation..

Maybe a miracle…”

“OKAY”.

There is no such luck.

Chemo, radiation every day for 2 weeks.

She gets weaker and weaker..

Finally, pneumonia, blindness, coma.

I feel in the hospital.

hours at a time.

like there

Sometimes its hospital food.

She does not eat.

I fall asleep and wake up.

Nothing new.

The people at the hospital are very good to us.

Patient, kind and empathetic.

the doctor looks at me

With empty eyes.

I pray, I read

I take her hand and tell her that I love her.

I think of the mournful song,

“Maybe I should have hugged you

Through the lonely, lonely nights.

maybe i should have told you

I am so happy that you are mine.

The little things I could have said and done

But I never take the time

But you were always on my mind

You were always on my mind.”

Oh! I would like that

For a little longer.

Now comes the Morphine.

Oxygen and difficult breathing.

Farewell.

I miss her

“She’s in a better place.”

I tell myself.

But I miss her.

I pray for faith.

I’m busy with the later details.

the cremation

The words of loved ones.

trying to comfort me

taking out the urn, the flowers,

the internment

The feeling of emptiness leaving her

in the cemetery

Life goes on

but dear god

I miss her

The death of a loved one is, unfortunately, something that we all have to live with.

In my work as a therapist, I advise people that grief does not end at the funeral. No more than a race ends at the finish line. But I’ve come to realize that it’s oh so personal!

Why do bad things happen to good people? I have pondered this mystery many times.

Saint Paul says…

“Life is like a tapestry. While we live, all we see is the back, which is just a jumbled accumulation of threads and knots. When our life ends, the tapestry turns and we see the real picture.” Then we come to know why.”

There is a reason for all things. We must know the pain of loss; because if we never knew, we would have no compassion for others. We would become monsters of self-esteem and self-interest. The pain of loss teaches humility and has the power to soften our hearts, to make a better person out of a good person.”

But, my God… Oh! How I miss her!

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