It is very normal to scrutinize your appearance after your spouse cheats on you or has an affair. We wonder if we are not pretty enough, slim enough, attractive enough, or playful enough. We wonder if the other woman looks better than us, and as a result, we can be very hard on ourselves.
Worse still, in the days after the adventure, we often just don’t have the energy to care or focus on our appearance. We barely have the energy to function, much less worry about nonessentials. And so we can “get carried away” little by little when we are too conscious of the way we see ourselves.
A wife might lament: “I found out that my husband had been cheating on me about four months ago. I asked him to leave. I didn’t want to see him. Lately, we have been talking but not living together. And this time This period has been very lonely and difficult for me. I often walk my dogs in the mornings and just think about things. Since I don’t want to go to an empty house, I usually stop at a coffee shop and have a coffee and. I also haven’t been to the gym in a while because I just don’t I feel like being around people. As a result, I have gained a remarkable amount of weight. This makes me feel even worse about myself. The other day, my husband came without warning me. I opened the door without makeup and in tattered clothes. husband had a little chat with me, but then he left shortly after. His facial expressions made it very clear to me that he was surprised by my appearance. And now all of this makes me feel like I have taken a big step back. “
I want to suggest that you be more gentle with yourself. As anyone who has ever had a cheating husband knows, this is a pain unlike any other. This is not a time when you are expected to be at your best. And fighting is absolutely understandable. More than at any other time, it is important to support yourself. Calling yourself a fat pig is not aligned with this and is probably not accurate either.
It is also very normal to look for flaws in our appearance and our personality in the hope that this will tell us everything we need to know about why our husband cheated on us. Here’s what you need to understand about it. The answers are not within us. They are within him. And nothing in our appearance or personality could have led to this at all. Men with beautiful, sweet and understanding wives cheat. And this has nothing to do with the wife.
So if you are looking for a reason, check it out. Not to you. Now, if improving your appearance will make you feel better, then I encourage you to do so. Getting fitter was really enriching for me during my recovery. And I have maintained this lifestyle change because after increasing my self-confidence, I just noticed a great benefit in reducing stress and an overall sense of well-being. I feel much worse physically and mentally if I don’t exercise. I want to keep those benefits and this doesn’t have much to do with my marriage, but it has a lot to do with me.
And it doesn’t have to be big changes or efforts that you make at the beginning. You don’t have to assume anything that feels overwhelming. Maybe just have a skim latte and skip the Danish. Maybe you can walk home from the cafeteria or extend your walk a bit. I found Yoga and Pilates extremely comforting during my recovery. During that time, I tended to have a lot of tension on my shoulders. And I found myself literally hunched over and hunched over. Yoga and Pilates solved this problem and strengthened my core so that I had a flat stomach for the first time in many years and the stress reduction benefits were enormous. This made a huge difference in how I looked and felt. And I never felt like he was exhausting me or punishing me. In fact, it felt like a pleasure to my body. Learning to lean into my breath and breathe in my pain freed me of so much tension and let my body relax at a time when it drastically needed it.
But if you are going to make changes or improvements, do it for yourself and for your own self-esteem. Do it out of love for yourself, but not out of a desire to change yourself because you think you are not good enough or that you are in no condition to do so. Because you absolutely are. If you think you could use an improvement in your fitness level, go for it by all means because there are benefits to this in addition to your appearance. But don’t beat yourself up or tear yourself apart. None of this is your fault.