When things aren’t going well in your wife’s life, it’s you she turns to. He does not seek comfort or words of encouragement. She is much more interested in taking out her frustrations by scolding, yelling, or starting an argument. If you are tired of being used in this way, no one can blame you. You didn’t sign up for this when you agreed to marry her. You’ve probably tried to talk to her about this in a rational way, but that didn’t work. You may have even threatened her with the idea of a separation, or more seriously, a divorce. If she feels that she is running out of options and her wife continues this destructive behavior, she must change the course of her marriage.
You’ve probably heard the old saying about how people take it out on those closest to them. We often use that as an excuse when we take our partner’s feelings for granted. This is exactly what your wife is doing now. If she is frustrated or discouraged about something going on in her life, she turns to you to vent her feelings. Unfortunately, in most cases, you are not the cause of their negativity, but you are forced to bear the brunt. To prevent her from doing this, you need to guide her to approach those problems in a more productive and less disruptive way.
It’s important that you approach this at a time when she feels calm and centered. If you try to bring it up while she’s in the middle of a tirade about something that went wrong in her life, she’ll only add fuel to her emotional fire. She will feel even more justified in yelling at you and a full blown argument will ensue.
Suggest to your wife that you want to talk about something you feel is affecting your marriage. If you do this while she is satisfied, she will be more willing to work with you to find a solution. You need to start the conversation on a very positive note. Many men don’t realize that if they approach their wife with a sincere compliment, she will be much more receptive to hearing what comes next. You could say something about how much you love her or how proud you are of her for something she has done recently. This will set the tone of the conversation. She will instinctively understand that you want to help her and not attack her.
Explain that you have noticed that she is under stress recently. If she knows the source of the stress, mention it. This helps show your wife that you are involved in what is going on in her life and that you are genuinely concerned. Then tell her that you are concerned about how she is affecting you. Point out if she seems sadder than usual lately or if her temper flares. Be compassionate as she talks about this and don’t let her tone become accusatory at all.
It’s vital that you tell her that you recognize that life can get overwhelming at times, but that you’re there to help her in any way you can. If she’s having trouble with all the work she has at the office, suggest the idea of her coming over on a Saturday to catch up while you take care of the kids. If you’re a full-time work-at-home mom, she may need a mini-vacation to recharge her emotional batteries, so plan a spa day for her and a friend of hers.
If you take an interest in helping your wife better balance the things that trigger stressful outbursts, you’ll be doing your marriage a big favor. You will also be showing your wife that she can always trust you. You want to be her hero, so show her that you can look past the pettiness of her frustrated moods by helping her find her inner emotional balance again.