Many parents feel compelled to fill the void when their children say, “I’m bored.” Whether playing with their child, organizing a play date or looking for an electronic solution, parents rush without realizing that boredom is a gift, an opportunity for our child to develop skills that will help him leave the nest and carry a full and satisfying life.
Part of becoming a successful adult is the ability to solve problems and live life creatively. When his son says, “I’m bored,” what she’s really telling him is that I have no idea how to creatively spend my time right now. Not only is your child’s boredom not a crisis to be filled, but it is a great opportunity for your child to create something out of that feeling of boredom that will satisfy them and help them develop and mature.
What we do as parents in response to “I’m bored” is critical. If we constantly stimulate him by turning on the television or video games, or straining to find someone to do something with him, our child will not learn how to occupy his time creatively. That can translate to a young adult who is always looking for outside motivation and stimulation. Think of the man-boys you know who couldn’t get off the ground and live in the basement of their parents’ house. When your son says, “I’m bored,” he has a golden opportunity to teach him skills that will ensure he has room in the basement for guests in the future.
When your child is bored, it’s a gift. The opportunity to feel bored from time to time is not only a gift, boredom is an increasingly rare gift! Many children are so scheduled and overstimulated that they don’t have moments in their room feeling restless and wondering what to do. Instead, they are plugged into something electronic, doing homework or running to school or other activities. For full maturation, your child needs downtime to explore her inner and outer landscape. If your child sometimes says that he is bored, celebrate! That means he has created a space in her life for her to grow and develop, and he will reap the rewards later if he handles it right!
Boredom is an opportunity for your child to grow and discover more about himself and his world. Your role is that of coach. Of course, you can brainstorm with him what to do. You’ll also want to have plenty of stimulating materials on hand for creative play, regardless of age. For my 9-year-old daughter the other day, that meant postcards and gel pens that she pulled out to send family notes to my mom, grandma, and sister. For my 11-year-old, it includes Lego and K’Nex, which she pulls out from time to time, and pencil and paper for drawing and doodling. Both are voracious readers, which avoids many potential moments of boredom.
Boredom is a blank canvas, an opportunity to create and define oneself. Whether it’s your own boredom or your child’s, don’t be too quick to hide the feeling. Instead, ask yourself or your child what would be fun or interesting to do. See if there’s a project you’ve always wanted to do or a game you’d like to play (preferably non-electronic unless you or your child are one of the few who don’t spend a lot of time on electronic media). Board games require more interaction which teaches valuable social skills while building fun memories. If you find a creative way for your child or yourself to fill the boredom, you will come out more alive and satisfied than if you simply find some way to pass the time.
So the next time your child says, “I’m bored,” you can say, “Great! What do you want to do about it?” Then sit back and let your son take the reins, with a little guidance, and you’ll have done all you can to help her mature, while she protects him against the dreaded launch failure syndrome!