President: “Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the 2017 Sneeze Keepers Annual Convention. I’m Bern Droplets, President of this wonderful company. In 1976, Joseph A. Gesundheit had a vision, or rather a fit of sneezes, in which he sneezed more than seventy-six times in his own house with no one around. According to his memoir, titled “76 sneezes”, after recovering for more than an hour, Gesundheit commented: I wish someone had said, “Blessed are you.” with a loving and caring voice. So, he started “Sneeze Sitters” because he understood the revolutionary belief that everyone who sneezes deserves someone to tell them, “Blessed are you!” This is how he created the company: with people who can say: “Blessed are you!” those who have sick family members but must work to pay the bills.
“Gesundheit recalled the story. Many centuries ago, people believed that sneezing forced the soul to leave the body. Saying, ‘God bless you,’ drove away evil spirits. Even during a plague that occurred around 590 AD, the Pope blessed those who sneezed.”
Mr. Droplets continued: “Let’s see how well the business has done since its inception. It’s very simple. Revenues have increased. It’s easy to see why: people get sick every year, so we employ more caregivers. Of course, our company doesn’t want anyone to get sick, but if we win, I maintain that we don’t take measures to make people sneeze, like using feathers to tickle noses or blowing pepper in our customers’ faces.”
(Everyone in the audience laughed.)
“We’re not in the business of getting rid of disease, but we sure can ‘soften the blow.’ Next year, we’ll start calling our ‘Sneeze Sitters’ the ‘Achoo Sitters.’ was met with a loud “Blessed be you!”
“Now, we come to last year’s ‘Sneeze Award’. Each year, it’s given to our most dedicated sneeze keeper. This year’s award goes to nurse Mary Jones of Chicago, Illinois. Her ‘sneeze’ patient, the Mr. John Allen Snot sneezed more than 2031 times in three hours while Mary was sitting next to him, holding his hand. He called 911. An ambulance arrived on time, just as he was finishing his last sneeze. The good news is that not only He didn’t survive, but he asked Mary to marry him a few months ago. Snot, could you get up and walk over to the microphone?
(Everyone applauded as Mr. Moco and Ms. Moco walked to the microphone where they accepted a nose trophy. Without making a speech, they returned to their seats.)
“Friends, what do we tell you?”
(All) “Blessings!”
Mr. Droplets concluded the meeting: “Everyone! Thanks for coming to our meeting this year! There is food and drinks at the back table and if you want copies of “76 Sneezes”, “Stop that sneeze!”, “Ten steps to have less mucus.
After everyone had been dismissed, someone in the audience sneezed. Of course, everyone in the room said, “Blessed are you!”