I know it’s an oxymoron: nobody wants to get divorced, so how could one be good? But when you’re faced with divorce, there are plenty of opportunities to make it less of a bad thing (if not really a good thing, at least in the long run, in hindsight).
I have been a divorce attorney for 24 years and am an expert in what works best for both parties when getting divorced. As a divorcee, I’ve honed a personal “what works” that helps people navigate the often choppy waters of divorce.
When you are facing a divorce or other family law case (custody, support, domestic partnership, cohabitation), you have the greatest chance of success to resolve everything with the best benefits through mediation.
This may seem selfish, as I am a full-time family law mediator… but I became a mediator after quitting a high-paying divorce attorney job because I felt it was more important to be part of the solution. and not encourage the fighting that often characterizes divorce. I traded my luxury car for a 2002 Honda Accord, and 11 years later it is still satisfying to help families through this difficult life transition from divorce.
You can solve many of the problems you’ll face with our free tools:
Is that how it works:
In mediation, you and your spouse or partner work with a neutral and impartial professional or team of mediators. Most often, this is an attorney, a therapist trained in mediation, or someone with legal and counseling experience. The mediator’s job in your family law case is to help you resolve your differences, from cars and furniture to parenting plans, financial support, and sharing retirement accounts.
When considering a divorce or family law mediator, look around you. Mediator styles vary. Ask your potential mediator if a free orientation or initial consultation is available. Take the time to decide what type of mediator might work best for your personal circumstances. This is an intensely personal process, so seek a personal connection with your chosen mediator.
A mediator’s style might include:
* Making suggestions
* Inform you about legal provisions
* Relate what others have done in your situation
* Definition of your options
* Help you consider alternative ways to solve your problem
* Facilitate communication
* Ensure that the divorce discussion is balanced, productive and respectful
* Write agreements in a compelling and easy-to-follow manner
* Walk you through the brief paperwork (or do it for you)
* Advise him to stay on task and end discussions, because when discussions get tough, it’s tempting to just change the subject.
Not all mediators do all of these things, so use this list as your own list of questions when considering a mediator in a divorce proceeding.