So you’ve started dating someone new and you’re having a hard time getting a good read on them. Not sure how you feel or if you’ll be a good match? Is there any advice to help me decide if they are a good catch or not?
After spending 30 years working in mental health, I’ve come to know a few things about relationships. And the reality is that it is quite simple when we do not think about it too much. Everything you need to know about dating someone new can be learned from 3 things. How do they treat the waiters, how do they treat the animals, and how do they drive? That is the secret to making a good choice. We are going to explore.
How do they treat the waiters? This is called a situational value system. People who are only nice to you when you have something to offer them say a lot about them personally. This goes hand in hand with the waiter rule. And believe it or not, many CEOs and HR managers take this into consideration. Why am I mentioning this? Well, because a date is very close to a job interview, since you want to present your best self. However, being nice to your date is very different from being nice to the waiter or waitress.
The waiter’s rule basically states how we treat people who seem to be in an insignificant position. Remembering the situational value system pinpoints our priorities and gives us a great insight into someone’s personality. Waiter’s rule is an excellent example of this.
How they treat animals. Immanuel Kant said: “He who is cruel to animals also becomes harsh in his dealings with men. We can judge a man’s heart by his treatment of animals.” Your date does not need to be an animal owner or lover. But, by showing no compassion for the animals, it is again a glimpse into his heart. What does that mean exactly?
The value we give to animals is going to be different for everyone. I have not been a meat eater for over 30 years. Does that mean I wouldn’t date a woman who ate meat? Of course not. That is a personal choice and I have nothing to say about it. My preference is that she doesn’t. But, that’s not a deal breaker. If, on the other hand, she had a dog and gave it very little love and attention, she would see it as a problem. Luckily, I married a vegetarian and animal lover many years ago. But the discussion about eating meat never came up for weeks.
How they act when they drive. Pay attention. Driving is a metaphor about life. Are you a safe and courteous driver? Do you pay attention to other drivers? Are you easily distracted? Are you aggressive and angry at the wheel? This metaphor proves true to fellowship. It’s not what you drive that matters. It’s how you drive that does it.
Look at it from another point of view. You’re driving with your date. Is the music always on? This could mean that they may not always pay attention to you. Do they drive fast and recklessly? This could mean that they will not provide you with security. Do they go out of their way to be courteous to other drivers? It’s always a good sign, it doesn’t always have to be about them.
Note that I am not saying that this is an ending, but rather a guide to relationships. These are indicators and yes, studies have been done on these behaviors. But, if you really want to simplify it, it all comes down to, are the thoughts and feelings of others taken into consideration? If the answer is yes, that’s a great first step.