Athletes are part of life. Most of us in an athletic field or profession, regardless of our discipline, are often referred to as athletes. That seems fine to me. However, while athletes can be good guys and contribute to the well-being of society, there comes a time when discretion and common sense dictate withdrawal from a potentially violent situation. Instincts play apart, like circumstances. But let’s be clear, just being a great athlete, weight lifter, professional football player, hockey player, or any similar setup, does not guarantee one’s safety in a self defense situation. Withdrawal is a viable military tactic, and knowing when to withdraw and creating distance between yourself and a potentially destructive or deadly situation is vital to staying healthy or even staying alive. One can be right in an argument, but one can also be absolutely right, and that is the crux of the problem.
True story: June 2011: A Southern California strength and conditioning coach, his brother, and their friends were out late one night. Visiting an all-night restaurant, a confrontation broke out between them and a woman who cut into line. Words were exchanged. One of the boys apparently spat in the woman’s face in response to her negative attitude. The argument escalated and the restaurant owner asked everyone to leave. He called his boyfriend, and when he arrived with his entourage of friends, a fight broke out in the parking lot. The result was that the strength and conditioning trainer was stabilized to death. One of her friends also died of stab wounds inflicted by the girl’s boyfriend who had a history of armed assault with a deadly weapon. The alleged stabber/murderer was arrested and is currently awaiting trial.
Sad… but all too common. How many stories are there of young people dying due to such a lack of wisdom and an overeager ego-driven desire to confuse it? What self-defense principles could have been employed to defuse this situation and prevent the tragic death of those who participated in this event?
1: balanced and calm demeanor
Life will always present events and/or people that upset us or do things that potentially upset us. However, that doesn’t mean we should allow them or their actions to throw us off balance and disturb our sense of calm. Truly, no one can bother us. We allow them or their actions to bother us. Someone getting in line is one thing, but does it guarantee escalation to the point of arguing or worse?
2: Humble Attitude
Humility is the highest form of strength; arrogance is the highest form of weakness. Humility is a great shield against the arrogance of madness that pervades society. Lacking in humility and having a quick trigger to spit in someone’s face is anything but humble and everything incendiary.
3: Situational Awareness
Reading a situation is essential for well-being. Heroes may never die in the movies, but real life isn’t the movies. People’s emotions are like fire, and young people’s emotions are like wildfire, and unfortunately most young people feel invincible. Such thinking is a specter of illusion. Assessing a situation and its potential to create problems and dangers is essential to our well-being. Living in a state of naivety is dangerous. Be save. Be conscious.
4: Create distance
When a situation starts to blow up, one of the safest and wisest things to do is to walk away. Create distance between you and the situation. If these young men had left the restaurant when the girl was calling her boyfriend or when the owner asked them to leave, they would still be alive. There is nothing smart or heroic about staying in the woods when a fire starts, fires that can spread very quickly, especially when there is a great deal of emotional energy to fuel them.
5: Do you want to die on this hill?
Some battles are best left unfought or at least postponed until a better opportunity for compromise presents itself. Picking and choosing our battles is important. Some battles are not worth fighting, let alone sacrificing our lives for them. A person getting in line, even if unseemly, is an event that requires wise evaluation. In this case, no such assessment was made and the result was the tragic death of two young men and all the pain, suffering and confusion that accompanied it.
Was this murder scene death by jockdom? Was it more a condition of ego and testosterone than wisdom and humility? Only participants can answer that. The fact is that two young people cannot answer because they are dead, no matter how good or good people they may have been.
Summary
We live in an ever-volatile environment that demands, perhaps more than ever, a calm disposition and the ability to assess situations for their danger. Tensions are high. People are stressed. Respect for law and order, even for life, seems to be waning. Life is more fragile than some people choose to believe. Danger can be around any corner, at any time. You never know when a situation will erupt into a volcanic explosion. Be wise. Be smart. Be calm. Be balanced. Be humble. Assess situations for their potential harm. Create distance if necessary to keep yourself safe, and never forget to ask yourself, “Do you want to die on this hill?”