From the correspondence I receive, I find that there is a perception that a man who cheats on his wife will stop having sex with her. Sometimes I get letters from “the other woman” asking me if I should believe a husband who claims that he is no longer intimate with his wife. I’m not sure why, but this is often very important to her. She might say, “The guy I’ve been dating has told me that he didn’t sleep with his wife for six months before meeting me and that he hasn’t slept with her since we got together. They have kids, which is the only reason. he stays for. However, I have a friend who is also friends with his wife. And she says she would not be surprised if they are still having sex because they both act normal and somewhat affectionate when they are together. She said she saw them taken hand in hand walking around the neighborhood. Could you lie to me? “
Along the same line of thinking, a wife may suspect that her husband is cheating on her, but may ultimately decide that he probably isn’t because her sex life is still active and still pretty good. You might assume that because the husband is having good, frequent sex at home, then she has nothing to worry about in the cheating department. You might say, “My husband has been away from home a lot more than usual lately. He works late. He goes out. He takes more phone calls than usual and takes them where I can’t hear what he’s saying. I suspect he of cheating except for the fact that we’re still having pretty good sex. “
From my observation and experience, these assumptions are not always correct. Many men who are having affairs continue to have sex with their wives without anything changing or seeming to be wrong. In fact, sometimes the sex is more frequent or even better while he’s having the affair. You can do this so as not to arouse suspicion or you can do it because you are still committed to your marriage and still very attracted to your wife.
In fact, it is my opinion that most men never intended to leave their wife and still do not have it while the affair is active. So, for them, nothing is going to change. And because of this, there is no reason to stop having sex. Sure, they tell the other woman very convincingly that they want or are leaving. They will tell you that they are married in name only and have not been intimate in years. They say these things to her even when they are not true because they want to make it easier for her to cheat. They do not want her to identify with the wife or to realize that she is in a relationship with no real future.
Frankly, it’s not fair to the other woman. They are lies they are telling you. But this scenario is very common and many “other women” eventually put two and two together and realize they are being lied to. And many wives eventually find evidence of cheating and have to face reality even when their sex life still appears to be active and wonderful.
So the answer to the question is yes, man very often continues to have meaningful and good sex with his spouses while having an affair. That’s wrong. And confused things. And often this is not understood by the wife and the other woman because women are less likely to understand how you can have sex with two people.
I don’t really have a definitive answer on this because I couldn’t pull this off either. When I love someone, I could never be unfaithful. But obviously, as a woman, I don’t think or act like a man. From the correspondence I receive, it seems pretty clear, at least to me, that men are much better at being about to separate the two relationships and compartmentalize their feelings and thoughts. If I were the one having an affair, I would be so paralyzed by conflict and guilt, but some men are capable of handling it quite convincingly.
Again, this is just my opinion, but if I were dating a married man and he told me that he is not having sex with his wife, I would have serious doubts about it. From my observation, most of the time, this is simply not true. It is very likely that two people under one roof and in a bed with a shared commitment will have sex. Many men tell the other woman that they sleep on the couch or in the guest bedroom. This is often not true either.
And many wives want to believe that as long as she has sex with him, he doesn’t need to look elsewhere. The truth is, you are getting a different reward than sex. He often uses adventure as a way to feel better about himself. Sex often has a lot less to do with it than people think.