I read an article and heard on the radio recently that about 70% of men cheat and 60% of women cheat, and about 17 million married couples are not intimate. Also, the percentage of people who got married dropped in 2009 from about 57% to about 54%.
Well, if 70% of men and 60% of women are unfaithful, why would there be intimacy in a marriage? It seems that most married people are intimate outside of their marriage. With information like this it is not very encouraging for the institution of marriage. It is not surprising that the percentage of marriages has decreased. However, it seems that many people like being married. It’s hard to make a marriage work with just you and your spouse. Once you add a third or fourth person to the relationship, it becomes almost impossible.
I’ve also read how finances play a big role in relationships that fall apart. I’m thinking, if the intimacy goes out of the marriage, some of the money goes too. Now you have no trust, intimacy, money or marriage.
Do people cheat because they don’t meet their needs at home? Are you not getting your needs met at home because your spouse is cheating on you? What a vicious circle! You’re saying this isn’t about my spouse, it’s something I have to do for myself? It’s about your spouse, it’s not just about you. He stopped being just about you once you got married.
Is this what you expected when you got married? Does this work for you? If this is what you expected, then you got what you expected, and in the future you must have higher expectations. If this is not what you expected or what you want, then start working on turning things around.
- start with yourself
- Make your relationship with God right (vertical relationship)
- Stop the inappropriate relationship. (trap) Repent, come out from among them.
- Talk to your spouse about doing the same if you both have outside relationships.
- Put the same (or more) time, effort, and money into your marriage that you were putting into cheating. Run away with your spouse. Meet them at a hotel. Flirt with your spouse all day. Have an expectation of getting with them. Just as you made plans to cheat, make plans to spend time with your spouse.
- Once your relationship with God is right, then your relationship with your spouse can be right. (horizontal relationship)
- Both people have to be involved, it can/will take time, but hang in there. You can do everything through Christ who strengthens you.
Remember the golden rule; do to others what you would like them to do to you. Raise your expectations. I’d rather have high expectations and be disappointed than have low expectations for my life and the people in my life. Yes, I’ve heard that the golden rule changed one too many times to do others before they do you, but that’s not the golden rule. If you do not remember the golden rule, do to others what you would like them to do to you, then I suggest and advise you to remember this rule; you reap what you see, and what goes around comes around.