I love men’s jokes. I think there is possibly a kernel of truth in each, even though I know they don’t apply to me. . . well, not all, anyway.
Here are my top 12 jokes on men:
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? – Does it ever happen?
How can you know that soap operas are fictional? In real life, men are not affectionate outside of bed.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical man? All she cared about were her legs, her breasts, and her thighs.
How is being in a singles bar different from going to the circus? In the circus, clowns don’t talk.
Why are husbands like lawnmowers? They’re hard to start, they give off bad smells, and they don’t work half the time.
What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. It only takes a dog a couple of months to train
What is the thinnest book in the world? What men know about women.
How to know if a man is excited? He is breathing.
What is the difference between men and government bonds? mature bonds.
How do you save a man from drowning? Get your foot off his head.
What is a man’s idea of doing housework? Lifting his feet so you can vacuum underneath.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? Stop snorkeling before it starts.
Babe Lehrer in her book, Men, you just don’t get it!, which has some wonderful short stories from women, also has some quotes from men that I really like. They are not really jokes. They are more like comments.
Here are five quotes from Men, you just don’t get it!
The problem with some women is that they get excited about nothing and then marry him!
Women don’t cheat on men, most of them are do-it-yourself types.
On birthdays, the wise husband forgets the past, but never the present.
What do you do when your boyfriend leaves? He closes the door.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
Finally, I have an observation from my wife. I have been known to express myself loudly after consuming caffeine. Peg stopped me in my tracks one morning saying, “You know, one more cup of coffee and I can legally kill you.”
