It is not unusual for a wife to feel very frustrated and insecure when she is fighting the marital separation that only her husband wanted. Often, she begins to try everything in her power to get him to change his mind about breaking up (or at least to get him to open up to her). she gets so discouraged that she throws up her hands and backs away a bit. She often thinks that all has been lost and that the situation has finally become too much.
Imagine her surprise then, when suddenly her husband starts contacting her, usually without warning. The wife is usually delighted to hear from him. But she hesitates to show her enthusiasm. Because it is not lost on her that this change in her husband’s attitude came only after she essentially “gave up” and stopped approaching him. This may leave you wondering how you should proceed.
You might hear a wife say, “For six months, I reached out to my husband after he left me. The last thing I wanted was a divorce. That was the most horrible thing that could have happened to me. So I kept trying to talk to him.” him. I kept calling. I kept texting. When my husband wasn’t answering me, I started calling his mom. Finally, my husband got back to me and told me that I was overreacting and that he was for real, making it less likely that want to see me or talk to me. That was a difficult conversation and I felt extremely rejected. And he continued to ignore me. I started to feel like there was no hope for us. Honestly, this made me feel really sad and I started to withdraw. I just stopped trying to progress. during our separation. As a result, I stopped calling. I stopped trying to reach out to my husband to get his attention. This went on for about three weeks. Then one day, my husband called me. At first, I thought that he was only doing this because he felt guilty about our last conversation. So we talked, but I didn’t do much of it. He didn’t want to get my hopes up. But then he kept calling. And he has called every day since. He even jokes with me now and we laugh. I’m not quite sure how to handle this because he had given me up. What am I supposed to do now? How do I play this?”
This is a promising situation, but consider using at least some restraint: How you play this is ultimately your call. No one can do it except you. However, as someone who has been through a very similar situation, I can share some discoveries I came away with. I too had almost completely given up on my marriage. I finally left my husband alone. And I too was completely surprised when this seemed to draw him to me. I hear a lot of women in this situation and hands down the biggest mistake people make here is that they move too fast. They hope that their interest will lead to a reconciliation and suddenly they begin to act as if this is certain and imminent.
But you must realize that your husband may still have some doubts. He may just want to gradually start talking again to see where it takes him (without a lot of pressure). But when you assume this means a safe reconciliation, it can (and often does) cause a spouse to stop calling and stop communicating. outside. Often, he would rather walk away than feel pressured or risk disappointing you in the future.
Slow and steady wins the race: That is why it is my opinion that you will often do much better if you continue to take it easy. Let me keep calling you for a while. It’s best if he initiates the face-to-face meetings, but this would be the next logical step. If it’s been a long time and he still hasn’t asked to see you, then you might casually see if you want to meet up for coffee or something else that can be very light and informal. You don’t want him to think you’re jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. For now, you just want him to continue to get closer to you.
Understand that you may still be unsure: It is important to understand their way of thinking. Often when you pull back, he realizes that he pushed you away when that’s probably not exactly what he wanted. He may have realized that he’s not ready to say goodbye to you forever yet, which is great news. But you may not be entirely clear on whether or not you’re ready to move on to more than just talking at this point, either. So you don’t want to draw a line in the sand and make him think when he’s not ready for it. Instead, you want to continue at a pace that’s comfortable. And you want to build on what you can.
If he’s being receptive and jovial, then I would tell him to keep doing what he’s doing and let him take it to the next level. There is no need to derail what seems to be working.