I recently discovered the 90/10 principle as stated by Stephen Covey. The beginning will change your marriage for the better or at least the way you react to the situation or problems in your marriage. According to Covey, 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, while 90% of life is decided by how you react. That is, we really do NOT have control over 10% of what happens to us. The other 90% is different. You determine this 90%. How? … For your reaction.
Don’t let people fool you. You can control how you react. Now, speaking of your marriage. There are many problems that will arise in your marriage. Perhaps problems are already happening in your marriage, such problems can include arguments, communication, sex, infidelity, parenting, smoking, drinking, bad habits, trust, etc. How do you react to these problems when they arise?
Do you scold him harshly? Do you yell at your spouse? Do you break up with your spouse before you can finish complaining? Do you usually scold? Do you stink about things? Are you just leaving? Do you keep silence whatever happens? You apologize. Do you show understanding, love? Do you listen patiently? Do you explain with love and honor? Do you complain without intimidation or disgust in your voice? Do you display a “I don’t give a damn” attitude? Do you change positively after a complaint? Do you accept apologies or do you keep doubting? … All of these are reactions to questions after our marriage.
10% of what happened to us has already happened, we can’t do anything about it. Take the case of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren. Woods has cheated on his marriage, the deed is done. Accept that he did. Elin can’t stop it from happening. However, the things that could happen after this, Elin can control (90%).
Millions of people around the world are suffering in their marriage from undeserved or avoidable stress, trials, problems, heartaches, tension, sleepless nights, and headaches. We must all understand and try to apply the 90/10 principle. This can change your life.
Elin can accept Tiger Woods’ apology and retract and support her husband to get through this period. Your marriage will be better for that. You could also ditch the apology and file for a divorce. The judge will understand and grant you a divorce and custody of your child. Of course, a few years later, he will remarry. But there is no guarantee that the man will not cheat on her either.
The two decisions are different reactions and will have a different ending. Just because of how he reacted, the result would be different. It only takes willpower to give us permission to do the experience. Absolutely everything we do or say comes back to us. It is like a boomerang. If we want to receive, we must first learn to give … We may end up empty-handed, but our hearts will be filled with LOVE.