What do I give and when?
As Internet activity begins to become more seamlessly integrated into our daily lives, we begin to take note of not only the differences, but also the similarities that online activities share with their offline counterparts. Online and offline dating, while vastly different in many ways, also share many of the same protocols. Most of the same etiquette rules still apply, even when your date takes place in cyberspace. At the same time, online dating has given rise to many new conventions designed to help us adjust to the realities of having such intimate personal relationships in a virtual world.
It’s no wonder, then, that most of us still have some questions about what is and isn’t the right behavior to engage in what we hope will become a romantic relationship online. We have written and read many articles on how to behave safely online, how to adapt your manners and sense of humor so you are not misunderstood, and how to present yourself in the best possible light, while still being honest with potential new friends online. . But what about gift-giving etiquette in an online relationship? What are the rules? They are is there any rule? Well, we haven’t seen anyone address these questions, so we thought, “Why not us?” We are as incompetent as anyone!
I think we like each other. Whats Next?
Once you’ve established a relationship with someone online and transitioned to online ‘courting’, to use an old-fashioned term, it’s only natural that you’ll feel the need to connect with this person in a more tangible way. , with a show of her admiration. Aim which symbolic? How much should it cost? How personal should it be?
Exchanging gifts, in a new relationship, is always an exercise in navigating rough waters, online or offline. But with an online romance, you may feel like you don’t know the person well enough to buy from them, just because you haven’t met face to face. But here’s what you need to keep in mind; you probably know this person much better than you think. Much better, even, than someone you might have been seeing for the same length of time in the real world. Because? because everything you do is talking.
Think about it. You haven’t been to the movies, or rollerblading, or dancing, or any of the other things normal daters do that interfere with conversation. When all you can do together is talk, you have to be good at it. In the absence of body language, typical context, and other nonverbal cues, you are forced to pay attention. You should also carefully consider your own word choices for the sake of clarity and to avoid being misunderstood.
Consequently, you two have spent your time together talking about just about anything that comes to mind. Some trivial, some serious, some very personal. It is much easier to express your deepest feelings, your hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears and insecurities when you are not looking someone directly in the eye. Now, the two of you may not have gotten as far as your deepest fears and insecurities, but you’ve almost certainly crossed the line into ‘personal’ and probably know more about each other than most couples ‘out there’. of line’ who have been bowling. and go to basketball games.
The old stalwarts, flowers and sweets
So now is the time to spent all that intuition Giving the right gift can be the perfect bridge between mutual recognition of attraction and that first face-to-face meeting. The trick is to hit the right note, give something that shows how much you’ve been paying attention. For example, you can never go wrong with flowers. Almost everyone loves to receive flowers, if they are not allergic. They’re always the right size, and thanks to the explosion of online florists, they’re convenient and inexpensive to ship.
But if, during the course of your conversations, she mentions that she loves Gerbera daisies and then sends you roses, you’ve missed a great opportunity. She will do it as the roses? Probably, but she would have been much more impressed that you remembered the daisies, and you could have saved a few bucks while looking like a great guy.
Chocolate is another perennial symbol of romance and is rarely a mistake as a gift option. But, if you’ve talked online about a mutual love of fudge and shared that there was a great fudge maker at a farmers’ market near your house, sending a box as a first gift would be just about perfect. They are not just candy. It’s a real, tangible connection to you, and something you both like. The key, at first, is not so much the ‘what’ but rather the ‘how’ it fits into your relationship.
Can’t decide between a new car and a transparent bear?
A couple of precautions to mention here. You want to give something that feels meaningful to the relationship, without looking cheap, but you also have to be careful not to overdo it. Starting small will keep the voltage to a minimum. Being too extravagant, too soon, could scare off your new love interest. This is especially true in an online relationship where the two parties don’t know each other. An expensive gift not only risks raising questions about your motives, but also sets the bar high for next time. If you start with diamond earrings, what do you move on to? Sugar candy?
Also, unless it’s been clearly established that sex is definitely a part of your relationship, don’t send gifts of a suggestive nature, especially early on. Sexy lingerie, or a rhinestone jockstrap, can take you from warm and fuzzy possibility to potentially disturbing stalker if the recipient wasn’t ready for it. Again, stick with what is appropriate for the relationship as it currently stands. The limits will, of course, change over time and you should be aware of these changes.
Hey! Pay attention!
As we said at the beginning, you’ve spent all this time talking. Now make it work for you. Keep an eye out for details that can help you choose a gift. If you can do it without being obvious, you might even steer the occasional conversation onto a useful topic. But it will only be effective if you hearand remember, and then use what you learn to make meaningful decisions. Choose a gift that shows how caring, thoughtful, and sensitive you really are.
As my Uncle Rodney used to say, “Girls like that.” The fact is that the boys too. Everyone loves to feel special, and nothing reinforces that feeling like knowing that someone has picked up parts of a conversation, and has really listened to your likes, dislikes, and needs, and then responded to those cues. selecting a truly thoughtful personal gift. Sounds pretty easy, huh? Is.
Are you listening?