Even though I have an online dating service that requests, well…actually begs!, members to voluntarily provide a background check for the US, I’m also the first to admit that this doesn’t prevent anything from going wrong. in any moment. time during a subsequent relationship. It also does not guarantee that nothing bad has happened in the past.
Don’t get me wrong: background checks are a valuable resource when it comes to deciding who you’d like to spend some time with, and for many other reasons as well. Employers, landlords, and even some homeless shelters routinely check the background and credit of applicants. However, they are also required by law to obtain the consent of the person to whom the report will be provided. In other words, you cannot simply decide to run a full authorized background check without consent and other identifying information, such as a social security number.
So what is the difference? The difference is this: without at least a date of birth and a social security number to compare the report to, you really have no guarantee that your results are for the right person.
Sure, there are plenty of companies online that offer their products to the general public and offer vetting reports. And they are perfectly legitimate. But before you ask for one and pay for the results, you should check the fine print where they specify who can and who can’t use these services. For example, most say something like “click here to acknowledge that you will not use the report results to make hiring decisions or extend an offer to lease a property…”. Why? Because without personal identifiers there is absolutely no guarantee that you are hiring or renting the right person.
That’s not the only problem with background checks! Almost all states refuse to name someone as a felon if that person has been arrested but not found guilty in a court of law. What does that really mean? It means someone can be arrested over and over again, but if he’s never convicted, no one making a report will know, even with a social security number.
Another hurdle is that some states simply refuse to release public information about criminals in their state without what amounts to search warrants.
Anyone can request a background check on themselves. That’s perfectly legal and it’s much more accurate since the person can provide personal identifiers like social security numbers and dates of birth, and this is the only reason I ask my members to provide a background check instead of doing so. myself on your behalf.
So, you have a date scheduled, the person seems wonderful, you’ve talked for a month, and you can’t wait for the weekend to enjoy a nice dinner and get to know him better. Let’s hope they both bring their own background reports (I know, I know, it’s a hard way to start a relationship, but sadly society has gotten to this point and I personally don’t see this changing in the future), but it’s just that some warranty?
Unfortunately not. All the background report will show is any crimes you have been convicted of. Like I said earlier, he may have been arrested many times perhaps for domestic abuse, but if the charges were dropped or he was found not guilty, he has no way of knowing.
The only crime you can be sure of being alerted to is a sex offender. Whether you were convicted of raping an adult or fondling a baby, your photo and record can be easily found in any online sex offender database. You can easily identify the person with complete certainty simply by the required photo for these databases.
What about other felonies? It’s a scary thought actually. I had a roommate years ago who met someone at a supermarket. They got engaged. Great guy, everyone loved him. But we had a large social circle, and one day she ran into someone who brushed her aside and informed her that Pete had been married twice and both times the wife had just “disappeared” and he had suddenly made a lot of money. I know it sounds like a Lifetime movie, but…thankfully, she decided to put off the wedding until she was more comfortable, eventually breaking down when he wanted to take out a huge insurance policy for her right before the wedding. . Background report? Absolutely clean!
So what is the motto here? Just be careful! Go with your gut. And listen!!! Love is blind, but your friends are not. If you keep hearing over and over again that the guy can’t be trusted, or hear rumors about him… Hear them out! Trust me, they are not jealous and they are not trying to hurt you. They could be saving your life!