My face hurts from smiling.
I feel like I’ll never find another book that I like as much as Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl, and I’m devastated that I finished it. Usually it never takes me more than a day or two to finish a book; however, I deliberately took more than a week to finish Levi and Cath’s story. I used my entire stack of orange sticky notes for this, and I don’t regret any of them.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever associated with a character as much as Cather. I recently wrote about my freshman experience and I did so because I received my college diploma in the mail. I also remembered how painfully difficult it was for me to be a freshman while reading Fangirl.
Cather Avery is a writer, but she doesn’t think she can create her own world from her own words. I was in Cather’s position a year ago. I remember the first day I spent in Tom Franklin’s fiction writing class; I was petrified after he let us know that only publishable stories would give you an A in their class. I thought about quitting fiction because I was afraid I would not be as good as the other writers around me. My class was full of real writers; publishable writers.
Tom didn’t like the first story I submitted, and he didn’t deserve to be proud considering I submitted an excerpt from a story I had written for my beginner fiction class. I was so afraid to start something new; I was Cather. The day came when my classmates criticized my story and my palms were sweating. He had been writing for days; I had been trying to make up a story for weeks until I finally found something. I’ve never written anything like Virago before; it wasn’t full of Faulkner phrases. It was straightforward and hanging on the edge of too much dialogue. And all I remember Tom saying was, “Only a sophisticated writer would write this.”
Rainbow Rowell is sophisticated; she is simple. You don’t need sequins or diamonds to make your words stand out, which is why I love your writing. I’m not sure I’ve ever read an ending written so simply; I have never smiled so much for an ending. I smiled at all his words.
“It’s just … everything. There are too many people. And I don’t fit in. I don’t know how to be. Nothing I’m good at is the kind of thing that matters there. Being smart doesn’t matter, and being good with words. And when those things matter, it’s only because people want something from me. Not because they want me. “
There are people who find out that my major at university was English Literature and they look at me differently. Some always have a sarcastic comment to make; Some people always find a way to tell me that I worked so hard to earn a meaningless degree. It doesn’t matter how much I like words and it doesn’t matter that books have changed my life. They say ‘good luck with that’ and smile. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me, because I’ve cried many times about it. But, the thing is, I’m a writer. I’m going to succeed as a writer, because I have these stories in my head that don’t go away until I write them. Because people have told me that I have talent. It is very difficult to do what you love when it is listed as membership in the liberal arts, but I know that if you really believe that it can happen, it will happen. And it doesn’t matter if you are published or not; what matters is that you keep doing what you love because it feels so good.
“Happily ever after, or even just together forever, it’s not cheesy,” Wren said. “It’s the noblest thing, like, the bravest thing that two people can aim for.”
Rainbow Rowell writes love stories, and what I love about them is that they aren’t overly enthusiastic. She shows readers that love doesn’t have to be dramatic, and she shows readers that the best love stories don’t have to end badly. They can end so purely; they can end so simply. I used to be petrified that I would only write love stories. A lot of people seem to look down on them, but that’s what I write. You write what you love, and there is nothing I like more than reading about two people meeting. I write love stories and that makes my heart so happy. Because being happy forever is actually “the bravest thing two people can achieve.”
“It’s just … isn’t it allowed to give up sometimes? Isn’t it okay to say, ‘This really hurts, so I’m going to stop trying’?”
“It sets a dangerous precedent.”
“To avoid pain?”
“For avoiding life.”
I am in love with Rainbow Rowell and I am so grateful that she helped me without even realizing it. We cannot avoid things in our way because they will be difficult or because they will despise us. I’m so, so happy that my friend, Alison, forced me to read Eleanor & Park, because otherwise I would never have chosen Fangirl and missed so much. I want to sit on the floor and read this book every day for the rest of my life, and that is so magical.
And like I said, I almost dropped out of Tom Franklin’s class because it was going to be difficult and because I was afraid he would make fun of me for writing love stories. And I’m so glad I didn’t, because if I had quit, I would have read this:
“Alex – Well, this is an excellent start to a story. I’m looking forward to having the mother-in-law visit me. You write excellent dialogue and use drama well. Excellent prose. Let me know if my notes need an explanation. – TF”